forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
