How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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