We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
