Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
