i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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