Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
