I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
