While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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