i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
