Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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