with your own penis?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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