so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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