when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
