You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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