the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
