Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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