If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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