Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
