i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My vagina is very pro this idea
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