So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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