You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
