She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Randomize
