Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
