well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
