We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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