you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
