Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
