...so i touched it.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
