first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
