He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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