Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
sarcasm needs its own font
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
