I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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