i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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