oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
