Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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