All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
