She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
