her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
