just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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