I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
