Pants 0. Shit 1.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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