I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
