when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
