Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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