Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now

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(806): View more from Texas

Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...

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(714): View more from California

I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?

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(818): View more from California

Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.

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(905): View more from Ontario

today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag

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(773): View more from Illinois

i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral

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(650): View more from California

I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity

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