You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The Olympian is in my bed
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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