You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
