i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
