gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
