ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
