i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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